How to make your Christmas less ‘stressy-mess’ and more ‘Ho Ho Ho’!
AKA - how to have a happy not a hassle-y Christmas!
AKA - how I try to thrive, not just survive, over the Christmas/New Year period!
As we are gearing up for Christmas 2023 I have begun to reflect on how, for me, Christmas Time is complicated.
I LOVE so many things about the build up to the Big Day…
Things to bring Christmas Cheer!
The wreath-making, the Christmas Lights twinkling - accompanying the stars on clear, dark wintery nights.
The smell of cloves, cinnamon, oranges and pine.
The dancing light of candles and the warm, soft glow of real fires, creating cosiness and warmth inside.
A warm mulled wine to wrap my hands around as I wander through the Christmas Market.
The energetic signal that soon it will be time to switch off from the daily hubbub and work, and to spend some ‘play’ time with the people I love - free from routine, for a wee while. Time we can spend just enjoying each others company with no place to be, no one else to worry about, no demands really beyond throwing some food together and eating it, when we feel like it - because it’s just us three!
The general buzz of connection and good cheer that permeates the air.
The joy of sourcing gifts for others, of getting creative with the wrapping and of decorations and a tree, bringing uplifting colour into our home.
The delight of a Christmas Film - the more escapist the better!
A seasonal jigsaw , preferably a snowy scene - providing some mindful, quiet time that I can immerse myself in and relish the surprisingly satisfying feeling, of slotting that last piece in place!
The rituals and family traditions that provide comfort and familiarity, that have grown with us over the years, and that keep us connected to times past too.
Providing suggestions for Elf on The Shelf (even though I don’t have one!).
I am grateful, I am filled with smiles and joy, and I welcome in the magic with wide open arms!
Contented Sigh.
BUT….
oh boy…
The Christmas Stress Factor!
As someone who NEEDS a LOT of alone time, and quiet time, and time being not doing - Christmas can ALSO feel …TOO busy, TOO noisy, TOO bright, TOO social… TOOO Darned MUCH!!
As a Highly Sensitive Person it really is VERY easy to experience TOO MUCH of a good thing.
Overwhelm of my senses is a very real thing for me at this time of year.
PLUS…
It’s a time of year when I really miss my mum and dad (and my husband misses his dad too).
When I feel a little sad that my sister lives too far away to easily be able to see her and her family.
When I see extended families getting together and sometimes wish that we could have a slice of that too - Instead of being just us three (again).
AND
of course…
Whilst our day to day demands may ease for a short while, this time of year is not without it’s own set of ‘expectations’ and demands…
The Perfect Christmas Myth
It’s easy to get sucked into a story that Christmas festivities need to ‘look or be’ a certain way - ie. the images in Country Living and Ideal Home magazines, and on TV and in the Movies!
We want to create the ‘perfect’ day where everything runs like clockwork, the Turkey is moist, everyone is happy and smiling, we’re all so appreciative and grateful for each other, and everything is in perfect harmony.
No stress, no hassle, no arguments - just love, joy and merriment.
Maybe your Christmasses are genuinely like this?
In my experience (and I’ve been through a fair few now!!) they rarely are.
For all the reasons I mentioned earlier!
And this year, more than ever, Christmas will be Bittersweet- because The Teen is embarking on his next phase, and this will be the last Christmas he is at home before he begins life as an adult, travelling, and then when he starts University next September, living away from home. So whilst he will be back, it will be on very different terms to the way it is now - much less permanent. We are in a place of transition - which is both wonderful and exciting AND a little sad and poignant.
Five top tips for a Thriving Christmas!
All is not lost though, because what I HAVE also learned, is that we can cultivate a better version of our Christmas Story, by adopting a few basic strategies:
Ditch ANY expectations that Christmas should look a certain way - if you catch yourself feeling that you ‘should, must or ought’ anything - STOP! Instead - ask yourself, how do I WANT Christmas to look and feel? What would work for ME? And do that.
If that means eating at 5pm instead of 12pm, so you don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to get the Turkey in the oven - do that! If it means ditching the sprouts because whilst they’re traditional, you’re the only one who eats them and they’re a faff (and you don’t like them THAT much) ditch the sprouts! If you always have a wreath, and a wonderfully decorated tree, but no-one else ever appreciates it or helps, and you just can’t face it this year - Don’t do it! Delegate, or do without!Stamp on any sneaky ‘perfectionist’ whispers that might creep in if things don’t quite go to plan. And rather than stressing about it, or catastrophising, try to think of a reframe and get in perspective. If lunch is late - oops, oh well, it’s not the end of the world - you can offer snacks to tide the hungry tummies over or keep filling up the wine glasses! If you forget to turn the oven on - sorry guys, silly me!! …. Sprouts-on-Toast anyone (who has Turkey at Christmas anyway!!)? OR well, we all should be eating less meat anyway! OR eat all your chocolate first, we’ll have the Turkey later! (you get the gist!).
Get radically BOUNDARIED with your time and energy - Make this your Christmas Super-Power! It starts with you being really clear with yourself about what you want to choose to focus on, what you feel you can cope with, and what will bring you joy (see first point!) . THEN you need to share that information with others - which might mean:
a conversation with your family or friends to explain that this year you’re paring back on ‘all the things’
actively enlisting help where you would not normally;
lowering your standards on certain things for a couple of weeks (give up on trying to have a pristinely clean and tidy house if you’ve got everyone around for a start!);
saying ‘no’ to a few more things. This can be easier to do if you keep in mind that a) for everything you say ‘yes’ to, you’re saying no to something else, so be more intentional about what you say ‘yes’ to, so you can be more intentional about what you’re saying ‘no’ to and b) you know that you will be a nicer person all round if you are able to manage your energy and the emotional/mental demands on you in a way that works for you.
Get super intentional about carving out time for you to empty your overloaded mental and emotional buckets - however that works for you. I find personally that small pockets of alone time are easier to fit in that big chunks of time out. This time is non-negotiable - it’s your responsibility to make sure you get it.
Most of all, cut yourself some slack and extend yourself some compassion. It’s OK to feel grateful for all the beautiful things, the magic and people that make up our Christmas AND, AT THE SAME TIME, to feel a little sad for things we no longer have, people who are no longer in our lives and for things that will no longer be as they were. Invite all the feelings in, acknowledge them all, they all have a place - but choose where your main focus goes!
If all else fails - get out for walk and BREATHE.
OR laugh like a mad thing (it’s the best medicine (Ho Ho Ho!))!
AND always remember that you are just one human being, taking on the whole mad Christmas World! #
You can’t do it all or please everyone AND stay sane - you wouldn’t expect it of anyone else, so don’t place that expectation on little old you either. Things will likely go awry or get forgotten - and that’s OK…The sun will still come up tomorrow and you will live to fight another day in the festive calendar!
Hope this helps!
With Warm Wishes,
