Struggling to get the balance ‘right’? Maybe you’re looking at it ‘wrong’…
This week Mother Nature and Yoga have got me reflecting on ‘balance’ in life.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll have LOTS of things going on in your life. Some of those things will be welcome, invited and wanted, some won’t. Some things are planned, many things leap out from behind a bush demanding to be attended to NOW!
Some weeks work ‘better’ than others (and this often takes us by surprise, we suddenly look back on it and think - OMG, that week felt EASY & FUN!).
So, we want every week to feel like one of ‘those’ weeks!
BUT if you’re anything like I used to be - trying to feel any sense of life being ‘balanced’ can feel like a total and utter joke. The land of Cloud Cuckoo. A ‘thing’ OTHER people seem to manage, but we just find IMPOSSIBLE.
And that’s because I used to look at balance the ‘wrong’ way.
Let me explain.
The Balance ‘Formula’
A client once asked me whether there was an ‘optimal’ ratio of working time to life/personal time that created the ‘ideal’ work/life balance.
And I can understand why.
It tends to be treated precisely as a formula (especially by organisations). If you work ‘this’ many hours and allocate the rest to ‘life’ THEN you will have a ‘good’ balance. Job Done.
And that’s how I used to see it too - in my days of Corporate Life (it’s how most workplaces still treat it, btw - this is their idea of ‘flexible’ working, and that rubbed off on me!).
And this would be true, perhaps, IF we lived in a vacuum or a laboratory - where, once we’ve set things up nothing ever changes.
But, as you and I know, life is NOT like that.
In my experience, more often than not, even when you have a ‘workable’ ratio that allows you to juggle things LOGISTICALLY – things still don’t ‘FEEL’ balanced, a lot of the time.
Which was my experience when I worked ‘part-time’ (ha ha!!) and tried to be present and at my best for work AND at home supporting my family and my young son. I turned up. I gave the best I could, under the circumstances, but I was rarely ‘at my best’ in any of the places I was showing up.
I was constantly juggling too many balls for the two hands I have, feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, and like I wasn’t doing ANYTHING especially well. I had ‘those’ days and weeks where things fell into place, and the balance was as it ‘should’ be - but far more of the time I was irritable, anxious, surrounded by dropped and lost balls and I felt like a failure.
Even though I was splitting my ‘time’ in a way that ‘looked’ like I should have left me with great work/life balance. It was a LONG way from feeling balanced.
And this is what (Nature and) Yoga got me thinking about.
In my last two yoga classes as we were practicing a variety of balancing poses, and sometimes I aced it - feeling strong, rooted and grounded, stable, calm and in control. I could sense when I needed to tweak a little muscle, I was focused and my whole being felt like it was working as it should. Things felt easeful.
Other times my mind became distracted by my thoughts and I lost concentration, or my eyes drifted away from the ‘spot’ I was using to maintain focus, because something caught my eye out of the window - and I wobbled. A lot. And it FELT ‘off’.
And once or twice I just couldn’t it together AT ALL. No balance in sight. And it FELT rubbish.
Same poses, same technique - sometimes it works, in a different moment, it doesn’t.
And that’s a lot like balance in ‘life’.
And here’s the key.
The FEELING of Balance
Balance is a not a ‘thing’ that can be achieved by following a single formula.
What works one day, might not work the next.
What worked last week, may feel like a nightmare this week.
And what worked 10 years ago, could well feel like a chore, hard work, overwhelming right now.
Balance is a FEELING. And what gives us that feeling can change from day to day, week to week, year to year.
The Key?
To pay attention to what balance feels like for us and the things that help us to create that feeling. And then to get intentional about generating that feeling by bringing our focus to those things.
Not the things that ‘other’ people need or want from you, but…
The things that allow you to feel present with your loved ones.
The things that help you get in and stay in ‘flow’ when you’re working.
The things that help you feel in control of your energy and time.
Things that nourish you and help you to show up as the version of you that you want to show to the world.
In other words, it’s about prioritising your Self-care - your Wellbeing - your Fulfilment.
And it’s worth noting that the things that you need for your self-care, wellbeing and fulfilment will likely change over time as you develop and grow personally, as you live though your life experiences (which by now you’ll have had quite a few meaty ones no doubt!) and as the external things and people in your life change around you.
By paying attention, and prioritising your needs (and desires), with intention, you are cultivating a flexible ‘structure’ to your life as it is in the NOW, reflecting the you that is NOW. This helps to ensure that the way you are living your life is relevant to how you are now - not how you were 10 years ago - before all this STUFF!
And this not only allows you to be responsive in a more considered and controlled way, flexing, tweaking, adjusting and adapting in a way that works for you, but also builds in headspace & energy ‘wiggle room’ to absorb the unexpected and the c**p without it totally overwhelming or sinking you (for the most part).
Think of it like the tree that bends in the wind, so it doesn’t break.
That’s resilience.
(Plus - when we do this, btw, we are far more able to willingly, graciously and effectively give others what they need from us).
Getting the balance ‘right’
When we neglect or lose sight of what fundamentally makes our life ‘work’ for us, and we take our eye off the ball – that’s when we lose balance, or even fall over completely. Then things feel overwhelming, “too much” and maybe even full-on stressful.
We feel frazzled, drained, irritable, so we find it harder to be the best version of ourselves, and we find it harder to be as effective in all the roles we play.
Which is why prioritising our needs and desires is not selfish.
And it’s why we need to cultivate those feelings of balance – ON PURPOSE.
When we focus on getting the basics right, it doesn’t really matter what is going on in our lives - we can have busy weeks, frantic days, chaotic hours – we can still feel that our life is ‘balanced’. Because we know what balance feels like for us and we have cultivated the flexibility to respond to those wobbles, we know what we need to do to adjust and get ourselves back to that feeling.
Does that mean we will never feel overwhelmed, stressed, fed up, or have a ‘bad day’ or times when things feel sucky?
NO – of course not!
That wouldn’t be real life, and we’re imperfectly human, right?
But it does mean that we have a general feeling that our life is ‘balanced’ and from that place it is much easier to adjust, tweak, realign as you go, so things feel right, and more easeful and fun, most of the time.
Finally…
Ask yourself the right question
Balance is a feeling that we create by knowing and understanding what we need (and want) and prioritising those things in your life, on purpose.
So, if your balance is feeling off or unattainable, or if you are feeling confused because you have logistical and practical ‘balance’ in place, but are simply not FEELING it - Instead of wondering “what’s wrong with me and my life, I just can’t seem to find ‘the’ right balance?” maybe it’s time to intentionally disrupt and upset your current balance and reset according to a new paradigm… that of FEELINGS of balance.
And ask yourself “What does balance FEEL like for me, and how can I achieve that today, this week, this month, at this point in my life? What do I need to change or adjust or tweak?”
Sounds simple, I know it’s not always ‘easy’ to get there. But I know it’s possible.
If you would like some help, I have a variety of ways in which you can work with me ranging from single session bundles, a ‘nature’ based package or a deep, 6-month VIP cocoon - you can find our more HERE.
Or DROP ME A MESSAGE and let’s have an informal chat over a cuppa!
P.S. If you’re not ready to start working with me, why not hop onto my email list to receive a FREE short guide to getting more connected with nature for wellbeing plus weekly(ish) wellbeing, mindset and ‘from the wild’ wisdom for you to peruse and ponder with a cuppa in comfy spot. By getting on the list you’ll also be the first to hear about events, workshops and other offers (e.g. look out for some free 20 minute ‘bannish the ghoul’ halloween calls coming up…)