There’s ONE thing that TRANSFORMED my wellbeing and fulfilment in life…
A calm image of an open book and a mug perched next to water.
If were to pick just ONE thing I’ve learned to do better to support my emotional and psychological health and wellbeing, it was really getting to know how MY human system works, and then creating the life that allows it to work at it’s best.
OK, maybe that’s TWO things.
Getting to know myself truly, deeply, authentically.
And being the Leader, the CEO if you will, of my own life - living it on purpose.
And when I think about the OLD me and the me NOW I realise how far I have come.
Stress, Overwhelm and feeling ‘wrong’
I used to be a complete stress head.
A people pleaser trying to be all things to all people.
I worked SO hard to fulfil everyone’s expectations of me (and my expectations of myself).
I was diligently doing what was expected, and trying to be the sort of person I thought I had to be to fit in, to be successful, to ‘achieve’.
And outwardly I was achieving, attaining, progressing, delivering & making my way in the world following the trajectory of the corporate ladder.
I met someone, got married, bought a house, adopted a cat, regularly went out for lovely dinners, bought lovely things, had lovely holidays, newish cars, blah blah.
BUT - I was in a fairly constant state of overwhelm.
I just thought it was me. Something wrong with my ability to deal with all this stuff. That I needed to ‘get over myself’ and stop being so sensitive to everything & put myself ‘out there’ more and be ‘more extrovert’.
Everything felt ‘too much’ a lot of the time, and a lot of the time I was feeling that I was not ‘enough’.
Understanding High Sensitivity, Introversion and ME
I didn’t know it then, but I know now - the problem was that my Highly Sensitive* & Introvert nature was being challenged to the limit every single day.
*(Read more about the trait of High Sensitivity)
Every day I was feeling on high alert, my highly sensitive system overstimulated by the constant barrage of noisy open-plan offices, bright lights, and a high load of demands on my time, my thoughtful brain, my empathic nature and my energy.
And so I lived with a constant feeling of ‘too much’ , of it just not feeling ‘right’ for me, and of ME somehow not being right or ‘enough’.
And as the overwhelm grew and accumulated, so did my inner frustration, resentment & exhaustion.
I was slowly losing touch with myself (which started at school to be honest).
My soul was dying.
I felt out of alignment.
Inauthentic.
Like the stuffing was slowly but surely being knocked out of me.
But I carried on - carrying and hiding all of the self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, the comparisonitis.
I pushed on with leaky boundaries and feeling more and more emotionally drained.
Life felt hard, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I believed that somehow I needed to just keep going and that eventually I would change, and I would start finding it easier, I would find my way to BE just like everyone else.
I was chronically overwhelmed, chronically stressed, and pretty darned unhappy.
I was forever longing for a happier, more content, fun and fulfilling life, but feeling that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ and that it wasn’t meant ‘for me’.
I was wishing my life away and believing that this was IT. That I just needed to accept that I was a bit strange, and that I was never going to ‘fit’ - that I just needed to crack on!
Until I decided enough was enough, I couldn’t carry on like that or I’d burn out and spend the rest of my life feeling miserable and knackered. So I decided to…
Press Pause!
Which turned out to be quite big pause and the best thing I ever did!
After lots of searching, self-help, personal development, turning myself inside out and taking a good hard look…
There was ONE thing I did that changed EVERYTHING.
Not overnight, for sure.
But EVERYTHING.
This ONE thing was (and IS) foundational to my personal development and wellbeing, it’s now embedded in my day-to-day living, AND in my bigger picture planning.
It has helped me to master the art of living as a Highly Sensitive Person, navigating the overwhelm and overload that is so typical whilst feeling aligned and authentic, and having some fun too!
It has helped me to gain clarity, to understand myself better AND it supports me in doing the things I need to do to be the person I need to be to do the things I love to do, in a way that works for me.
In short it is probably THE most SIGNIFICANT reason why I am well on my way to #livingmybestlife.
It’s NOT a ten or a seven or a five-point plan.
It’s NOT rocket science.
It’s NOT magic (although it can lead to feelings of ‘magical’)!
I didn’t need a guru (though a coach did help).
The only thing I wish is that this truth bomb had dropped sooner! ALL those years wasted living a half-life, feeling exhausted and not quite right in my skin!
And so that you don’t have to waste any more time…
…here’s the ONE thing…
Get Intentional about living life your way
I got intentional about my self-care and fulfilment.
I started living on purpose.
Simple?
Yes!! It IS as simple as that.
And NO! – it’s not easy to start with.
It requires you to get to know yourself, warts and all.
Get to know and understand your unique human self
Your natural temperament traits (are you introvert or extravert, highly sensitive or not); the things you like and don’t like, the things that really matter to you & your core values; the things that are OK for you and the things that are really NOT Ok; the type of person you are when you are being your TRUE self so you can recognise the things that YOU really NEED in your days and in your life to keep you functioning at your very best; and the things that really light you up and make you feel uplifted, vibrant and joyful - the things you desire.
Then you can start to design your life with the right things in it for you.
This is you becoming the LEADER of your life.
Leaders decide on the right things to do. And that’s what you need to do to start living your best life.
Start managing your life with INTENTION
Where leaders make sure you’re doing the right things, managers make sure that these things are done right.
So once you have identified the right design for your life, the next thing is to get clear on how to create the right conditions for all of these things to happen, and to make sure it happens.
You have to get intentional about what comes into your life, how you spend your time, where your energy goes – so that it’s all focused on the right things. The things that make for your best life.
Then you need to keep doing and being these things - On Purpose.
Tweaking and adjusting along the way as you steer your course and deal with the daily ups and downs and the unexpected things that life throws at you. And that can mean having to deal with guilt about prioritising our needs, boundaries, relationships, limiting beliefs, and some really practical things too!
So, it can take time.
And a fair bit of inner work: honest self-reflection, facing up to some things we may find a bit scary or difficult, and stretching the edges of our comfort and familiarity with the way things are.
But it’s so worth it.
And I know, because that’s what I did.
When I got intentional about the things in my life, I began to feel much more aligned & in control. I began to feel empowered to make active and positive choices and decisions that were the right ones for ME and what I need and want in order for me to show up as my best self and ENJOY life – and it’s LIBERATING.
It creates a feeling of freedom – because we have decided on the direction we want to do and the path we want to take, and we are choosing to walk that path - bumps and all.
And the bumps can feel less annoying, because they’re YOUR bumps!
And, if we decide to change course?
That’s cool, because we have made that conscious choice.
Not because someone else has picked up the map and told us which way to go; not because we’ve got so used to just following the path someone else is leading us down that we’ve forgotten that we even have a choice and not because we’ve been following the path we’ve always followed, because we’ve switched on our autopilot and have dozed off in the corner somewhere (you know that car journey where you arrived at your destination but have NO recollection of the actual journey??!!).
It also means that your everyday is full of the things that make you feel calm, collected, and happy!
I make sure that my needs as a HSP Introvert are tended to by scheduling time for me, that is made up of the things I KNOW help me decompress, fill my reserves, make me smile and help me stay calm - the things that nourish my mind and body. I also make time for the things that bring me joy, light me up, delight and inspire me, so my heart and soul are nourished too. I don’t always get it right, and I definitely need to do more to get more fun and play in my life (I’ll keep you posted!) - BUT my life is SO different from where it used to be.
It’s more serene, it’s calmer, it’s more personally rewarding and fulfilling. I feel more authentic and alive, and I don’t feel overwhelmed anywhere near as often - because I have built the time into my days and weeks to make sure I manage my time and energy well.
So if there’s just ONE thing I would invite you to do so you can start making the changes you seek, it’s to begin with intention. Make the decision about who and what you give your energy to and how you fill your precious time, making conscious, purposeful, intentional choices, aligned to your bid-picture life ‘design’.
Watch with excited anticipation as the feelings of control, freedom and joy begin to flow!
And the more you practice the easier it becomes – remembering that to be intentional means to keep actively connected to our heart and soul as well as our mind, so that we can notice and recognise when things that were working are no longer working, and take corrective action.
That’s the beauty of living on purpose.
We get to decide and steer our own course.
And that’s empowerment in action!
Ready to start getting intentional with your self-care and fulfilment? What’s your first step?
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