What Ticks (yes, TICKS!) Taught Me About Limiting Beliefs

Two things happened this last week.

Two things that in themselves are very ordinary – but they have lead to some BIG inner-work!

Nature as Teacher (the Prelude)

Thing 1: I picked up a hitch-hiker in the woods (not the axe-murdering kind…)

I got back from a lovely day working in the woods last Tuesday, I looked in the mirror and noticed a little black mark on my neck.  Looked like a spec of soil or something.  But it didn’t come off when I brushed it, and I thought I saw it wriggle.  Then I thought it was just a persistent little fly, but it still didn’t come off, so I pinched the skin and gently pulled at the thing – THEN to realise it was a little Tick. 

There are not many wild things that I have no time for – I even have a soft spot for wasps, I can tolerate flies & slugs and I’ve grown to love spiders.  But ticks, fleas and other parasitic things – Ew, bleugh, yakky.

Thankfully it had come clean away, and I’d noticed it and removed it before it had fully buried itself into my skin. 

Job Done. Thought no more of it.

I will come back to the Tick later…

My Limiting Beliefs Pop-up

Then I had a fabulous weekend away with my sister and the family – a little adventure ‘Up North’. And it was FAB.

BUT.

One evening, before heading to the pub for dinner with my gorgeous sis – I threw on the clothes I had planned to wear, and Thing 2 happened.

Thing 2 - I looked in her full-length mirror.

And my mood changed.

Just like that. In an instant.

I went from feeling happy, to feeling super grumpy.

My deepest, most hateful, vitriolic and venomous Gremlin, who I haven’t seen for a good old while - took hold.

The Gremlin that tells me I look AWFUL. HORRENDOUS. FAT. UGLY. DISGUSTING. REPULSIVE even.

And my sister kept trying to reassure me I looked lovely – but to totally deaf ears.

WOW!

WHERE did that come from?

Do I really think that about myself??

Unpacking Limiting Beliefs

Now, as a menopausal woman in my 50s, I’m sure I’m not alone in not always being in love with what I see in the mirror.  But – my reaction was disproportionate, and on a level, I knew it.

Logically I knew it - because whilst I may not have the lithe and toned body I had when I was 30, it’s not SO bad that it warrants being called Repulsive!  I’m not massively overweight, I’m reasonably fit, I look OK in most of the things I wear, and sometimes I even look quite nice (I think!).

And my body is a miracle.  I am still alive (which is a biggy). 

Yes, sometimes it might complain, there might be a hiccup or two along the way, It helps me do what I need and desire to most of the time, every single day.  24 hours a day, 365 days of the year.

Yes, it presents with slightly more aches and stiffness than it used to, but hey, it’s got several thousand miles on the clock, it’s allowed some slack, right?!

 I also knew it on a deeper level too.

Because I have done a tonne of inner work myself over the years now, I was able to recognise that this was not a NEW Gremlin. 

Oh no.

THIS Gremlin has been hanging around with me for YEARS (and years and years).  It’s not there all the time. 

And it doesn’t always surface when I’m having a bad-hair-bag-lady-fat-frumpy-day. 

But it has been popping in uninvited since waaay back.

Way back to a time when I WAS slim, toned, physically fit, size 8.

In the past I would have ridden it out, knowing that the feelings would pass and the Gremlin would go back to its cave for another while. Until it decided it was time to worm its way back into my consciousness.

But this time, I didn’t let it.

I felt ready to dig deeper.

Because of all the inner work I have done over the years, I recognised that there is more to this than meets the eye.  It clearly couldn’t be just about how I look.

So, I allowed it to go quiet for the rest of the weekend, so I could get on and enjoy my time with my family.

But then I called it back – on my terms.

And then I sat with it.  I journaled. I got curious. I journaled some more.  I shared it with my own coach (yes, all good coaches also have a coach of their own!). I journalled some more!

And all the juicy goodness underneath that old gremlin is making itself known. 

Which has made it quite a draining week emotionally this week – but I know that’s where the GOLD is.

Because this sort of Gremlin is born for a reason. 

And more often than not it comes from a negative belief that we have embedded in our subconscious mind – a belief that is commonly formed early on in our lives.  It’s often not logical, and it’s almost always unhelpful.

These are the sorts of beliefs that keep us feeling stuck without really understanding why.  They’re the sorts of beliefs that drive fear, in our subconscious mind, which then holds us back & keep us playing small.

It can be helpful to know that they often come into being because they are trying to keep us safe in some way, to protect us from the fear.  And the reason may not always make logical sense.

But knowing this allows you to take a step back and get curious and begin to dig.

It allows you to challenge the things The Gremlin is telling you.

It allows you to take a more dispassionate and compassionate view of your belief. 

And that takes the power away from the Gremlin and puts it firmly back in your court.

Shifting Limiting Beliefs

And once you begin to see what’s really underneath, you can then choose to replace those negative, limiting, unkind beliefs with new, helpful, supportive, encouraging and limitless ones.

And then “the World’s Your Oyster !” as the saying goes !!

So how can you do it? 

•  Get a coach!  The very BEST way to really dig deep is being supported to do it.  I know from personal experience that even when you have the know-how (I’m a coach and a psychologist), it’s not always easy to ask yourself the right questions or to be truly honest with yourself.  It’s also a much more pleasant experience when you have someone guiding you, supporting you and helping to hold some of the difficult emotional cr*p that comes up, and to help you work through it, clear it up, let things go.  Someone giving you the tools, holding up a mirror so you can see more clearly, and holding your hand/shining a torch through the murky, overgrown gnarly bits!

• Journal like mad!! With or without a coach supporting you, a journal is a place of pure juicy GOLD digging. 

  • Start by getting to really know and understand the belief…

    • Journal a stream of consciousness and see what comes up, and get curious and delve a bit more.  Allow things to percolate, and then journal some more.  Keep going until it feels like you’ve hit the jackpot!

    • Pay attention to the thoughts you are having and the words you are using – note them down in your journal

    • Then get curious.  Ask yourself:

      • What do I mean mean when I say ‘x’ to myself?

      • Is that belief I have 100% true?

      • What evidence is there that this NOT true?

      • Is this belief helpful?

      • would I say this to a friend, or to my five year old self?

      • How is that belief serving me? (often it’s about keeping us safe from something).

Keep unpicking and unpacking until you feel you’ve really got to the nub (tip: I usually find I can’t help crying when I’m getting close!!)

• THEN – you can begin the process of re-programming your subconscious mind with more helpful thoughts and beliefs:

  • What would be a different way of viewing things?

  • What would be a more helpful belief?

  • What would be a kinder, more helpful way of talking to myself?

  • What would I say to a friend who told me she was having these thoughts and saying these things to herself?
    
    You can turn some of these reframes into affirmations or mantras that you tell yourself daily so your subconscious mind (and the Gremlin!) really begins to get the message (ThinkApp is a great tool)

And over time, as you get to understand things more fully and deeply, and as you begin to reframe them, the old beliefs will weaken, and new beliefs will become more normal. Hey Presto!

(NB. This can happen quickly, or it can take a while - just keep going!!)

And Finally….

Why limiting beliefs are like Ticks

But what has this all got to do with Ticks, I hear you cry?! Well – like limiting-beliefs, Ticks:

·      Often land uninvited

·      Start small, often hidden from view, turning up in unexpected places

·      If not dealt with they get bigger and bigger, bury themselves deeper and deeper and become more difficult to remove

·      Knowing how to recognise one is the starting point for knowing how to get rid of it!

·      Having the right tools at your disposal makes it easier to pick it off

·      Can lead to bigger problems if left unattended or dealt with too roughly

·      Are not helpful to you – they feed only themselves and give nothing nice back in return!

As I always say – there are lessons to be learned every day from Mother Nature – treat your limiting beliefs like you would a parasite: learn to recognise one, don’t nourish it, and develop the skills and get the tools to get rid of them quickly!!

What do you think? Let me know!

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